You Know How They Are

We’ve had this relationship for years ‘cause he sells the parts this old house is always in need of and shows me how to use them.

And the tools. A valve seat wrench for example.

There are painful looking skin conditions he doesn’t want input on and our opposing political philosophies.

You know how they are applies to, well everyone he doesn’t deem one of us.

We know we aren’t gonna change each other’s minds.

Today’s stories were good.

Yeah well y’know his mother was a hoarder an’ she let mildew in the house ‘n you know so ya can’t live in the house anymore. She was livin’ in a trailer when she died. An’ his son ain’t good for nothin’. He’s held onto that property and it’s worth a million dollars now and I tol’ the county commissioner they need to buy it and build a bigger holding pond.

So he stays out at he’s got some oddar property an’ he drinks. He’s seventy he’s a tree surgeon he can’ do none o’ that no more so he had this woman who was dying of cancer he brought down from Kentucky she wanted him to marry her he said I can’ do that for another two years. So I tol’ ‘er you’ll jes haff ta stay our back here wi’ me just jokin’ ya know but she comes back an’ says were you serious about that? So yeah she stayed here w’ me for six months.

She was an alcoholic I cured her o’ that I took her out an’ got her real real drunk nex’ day I sed so wadda-ya-wan-me-da hose you off er s’um? An’ she stopped drinkin’ after that. She’s back up in Ohio now for her birthday I sent her half a case o’ toilet paper ‘cause you know women they go through a lot o’ toilet paper. She said that’s such a nice present. An’ I sent her two books of stamps wrapped in some five dollar bills so she can sen’ out Chris’mis cards.

And then there was this other lay-dee or maybe it was the same one told him the doctor said she needed to have sex for her immune system to help heal the cancer.

So I took her over there by the Tom Thumb ya know where they sell dem sex toys and I said here ya go now ya can take care ‘o yer health problem she said it’s too long I said ya don’t have ta put the whole thing in she said it’s the wrong color I said well ya ain’ gonna see ‘cause she’s fat she said it takes batteries I don’ have money fer batteries I said ya jes use it without the batteries, ya see?

‘Cause you know if ya have sex wid ‘em they want ya to marry ‘em ‘n I said oh no I ain’a in’erested in that right now I’m just-a…

He was right. It was bad valve seats.

5/09/2025