egobliteration

Ego melting didn’t happen perhaps because the DMT unit wasn’t charged. Been fearing it both because ego melt is scary and ‘cause Peter Shark says it is extremely toxic.

Just buried an unfamiliar cat in the front yard. Had to cut through the web of vine, bramble and grass roots to make the hole. Mostly white with orange around the tail. Zahir didn’t recognize either.

It had been there earlier. Someone probably tossed it off the road.

Picked up twenty five three hundred fifty milligram oxycodones from Walgreens. Learned the kid behind the pharmacy counter the one with the philipino bleached bouffant is also a músico. Opera and musical theatre.

Couldn’t help but smile learning that Dr White had prescribed the good stuff. Desiring and fearing it.

The two books from the Inter-Library Lending system came in. ILL they call it. So that’s what iLL stands for! Chasing Acker by Chris Kraus begins by describing Kathys final months denying and dying of cancer. The book has only been checked out once before. In twenty eighteen. On my birthday. Apparently Kathy was fifty when she died. In Mexico. The book cover is red. The checkout stamp is red. My first word was red. These are the ravings of an ego-centric narcissistic cancer-having (near-definitely) human (supposedly).

Our co-pays for this weeks procedures, the PET scan and ultrasound guided needle biopsy are twenty-five hundred dollars. Gulp.

Ben Jackson arrives in thirty for his piano/drum lesson.

Looking forward to Sunday and singing our new hymn Remember Me. Also a bit anxious about seeing Robin R who is perhaps also triggered by my presence. Not sure. No idea. We don’t speak.

…After Ben’s lesson

The DMT thing charged. Chanted Om Asato Ma Sat Gama Ya Tamaso ma jyo tyr gamaya mrit yur ma amritam gamaya from non-being me to being oh lead from darkness me to eternal light oh lead from death me to everlasting life oh lead. Inhaled a lungful. Went to matrixland. Fear of death tricksters hovered. Robin flashed through representing guilt and all that I have failed to do and be. When she last learned of my cancer she texted that she wished me righteous living which was hard to take as anything other than an implication that unrighteousness is the root of my demise which is a fear that is quite here. Seems more like a demon than a god though.

It would be nice if more than one of us cleaned the toilets around here feels like a very spousal and likely typically male complaint. Sorry for soiling your thoughts with it. Obviously not really ‘cause the delete button is right here.

Dave Calomineri and Jaime: love y’all much. Know what’s a trip? So Jenny Calimoneri and Claudio married with Henry who’s now closer to twenty than 10 well one of their ancestors rented to the other’s ancestor. And the other one’s ancestor rented from the ancestor of the other. In the Bronx I think.

Small world.

And short trips.

Oxy time?

Mike inter-Library Lending

14/02/2025