The Terrible Mystery of What Should Happen Next

Woke up this morning feeling like laziness, arrogance and self-importance are at the root of this life of failure and confusion.

Did some stretching. Actually some abdominal work, for about two minutes. Drank some yerba mate herbal blend from the anniversary gourd.

Wondering if writing this right now is an exhibition of moral depravity. Should be making some money.

Worry that we aren’t spending enough focused time with the girls.

Went out and burned the remains of the again-collapsed bee hive. The queen seemed to have vanished a couple of weeks ago. Beetles took over. I imagine my time in hell may be similar to what the remaining worker bees were dealing with. Larva-ridden slime. A life without purpose. There are probably one or two thousand bees left out there. The hive box is wide open. There’s a maggot bonfire next to them.

If there is in fact enough love in this tired, dry heart, it doesn’t seem to have the voting power to overcome the creative obsession.

Rags has been missing for over three weeks now.